Change of Plans...

The plan, in coming to Poland, was to stay with a woman and her family for two weeks in Gorzow Wlkp., and this woman would teach me Polish. I was paying for food, accomodation, and twenty 45minute lessons. So, I'm going to try to make a long story short. I got off the plane, exausted, but ready to meet my teacher. Poznan is a very small airport, so I walked out and there were some ten people sitting in seats. I stood there for 5 minutes until a timid, expressionless woman approached me and said something that I didn't hear. I asked if it was her, by name, and she said yes, so off we went. She took a train and a bus to meet me there, so that's what we had to take back. However, we took the bus to the Poznan Glowny train station (in much awkward silence; I kept trying to make conversation but it was difficult), and she suggested I check my luggage in a baggage check at the station, so she could show me Poznan. I didn't want to be rude, and she did come all the way out to get me, but I was so exausted, so I said after some hesitation, sure, I could walk around for a little while. She bought some tickets, but again, little communication so I didn't find out until LATER that she had bought the tickets for 5pm. We walked around, ate food and drank coffee in silence, walked a million miles more, sat in front of a lake in silence, and mind you, I haven't slept good in three days, it was about 90 degrees and I was wearing jeans and I had on the same outfit since the day before, I hadn't showered, brushed my teeth, nothing. And seriously, she took me on some 20 minute walk to this lake when I thought my feet were going to break off - I still have huge, broken blisters on both feet. But she seemed not to notice or recognize my pain. I had to (seriously) clench my teeth and tell myself, the pain will only make you stronger, as with each step my blisters tore open more and more. That's all I could do was grin and bear it, the whole day. Eventually, around 3:45 or something, she remembers there is a bus that leaves at 4 to Gorzow, and it is much quicker. So, we try to get there on time, of course we don't, but we pick up my luggage from the train station and walk to the bus station, because she says there is another bus at 5pm. We get there, and there are no buses that run from Poznan to Gorzow in the summer. Now, mind you, I am almost at my breaking point. If my luggage hadn't been there, I would've flipped and walked away, because I didn't want to leave it there. I told my mother I'd call her when I got off the plane, and hadn't gotten a chance because all the payphones in Poland you need a card for.

Mind you - and I realize, that I do not want to be harsh, and all of this is most likely bitterness and justification and rationalization for an impulsive decision, but - she was also very useless. Anything I asked her about Poland, be it about the language, riding buses, trams and trains, buying things, ordering in resurants, payphones - her answer was always either "I don't know, I'm not really sure," or something blunt and brief. So, I asked in a pleading tone, can we take a taxi back to the train station, I'll pay - because I really thought I was going to pass out, or my feet were going to break off. Her answer? Well, we could, but, I don't think they'd take us, it's too short.

I've never heard of a taxi not taking you somewhere because it's too SHORT. Anyway, it wasn't long but it was uphill and I thought I may die, and it was long enough. So long story short (again), we got on the train. My body was screaming for sleep, but, the minute I closed my eyes I felt nauseas. I told her I felt sick, ran into the bathroom and threw up a little. I came back, she didn't say anything (not "are you ok," nothing), and I closed my eyes and felt better, thinking that was what I needed. Well, no more than 5 minutes later I JUMPED out of my seat and just made it to the bathroom before I threw up everything I had inside of me. I mean, everything - it was so disgusting. I really can't remember the last time I puked like that. So I spent the next two and a half hours, while we sat in silence, trying to figure out how to tell her I changed my mind about the program.

When we got off the train in Gorzow, I just told her - I feel really sick, I threw up twice on the train, and I just don't think it's a good time to do this. She (rather expressionless, again) was a little suprised, I guess, and tried to talk me into coming to her house at least for the night, so I could get a good night's sleep, take a bath, and then decide. But I knew if I did that, it'd be harder to say no. As it is, I feel really awful, and have a lot of guilt - and embarrasment - about screwing her over (because really, I screwed her out of 700 bucks, so I'm just really suprised she wasn't screaming at me). But I just stood my ground, and jumped in the next cab I saw.

You may ask, well, where did Jillian think she was going? Well, I had an adress that a Pole in NJ gave me of a friend of his in Gorzow. I just took a cab there, mind you, somewhat forgetting I am in a foreign country where no one speaks English. I also assumed this girl would live by herself. But I get to the adress, and I see her last name on the bell so I ring it, and they let me up. When I get there, an old man holding back a dog has his head peering through the door. "Is Anna here?" he didn't understand. "Anna?" I think he shook his head to show he didn't understand, but I, forgetting that I saw her name on the bell, thought he meant she wasn't there. If I had been thinking, I would have shown him the name and adress, and I would have sat down ahead of time and looked in my phrasebook to figure out how to ask for Anna. But, I didn't think, so, I motioned and asked if I could use his phone and the old man, confused and probably a little scared, shook his head and closed the door.

I walk out to the street, with no idea as to where I am going. I did see a hotel right by the train station, so worst comes to worst I know I am jumping in a cab and going there. But, I had another number from somebody off of the hospitalityclub.org website (which has been the lifesaver of my trip!); the problem? I had no phone, and these payphones here don't take just change!! So, what happened next was really a miracle, I don't know how to explain it. I stood on the street, panicked, frustrated, and scared, and I see a girl walking towards me with a dog. I ask if she speaks English, no. So I try to ask her where there is a payphone, but end up just pointing to it in my guide book. She turns around, and I follow her to a payphone - when I spot it, I see it is the same kind, for which you needed a card (I thought maybe I would luck out and find a "normal" one), so I tried to tell her I didn't have a card - nie karta, I utter, and she then takes me to two or three stores, trying to buy me a phone card, to no avail. Finally she somehow asks where or what the number is, so when I show her it is a number in Gorzow, she hands over her cell phone. I thank her profusely and she dials the number, and again, forgetting where I am, when the woman answers in Polish all I can think to say is - "Ryszard?" She continues in Polish and when I say przepraszam, nie rozumiem po polsku, my aquaintance takes the phone and speaks with the woman for me. Monday and Tuesday, Ryszard is there. Today was Sunday. I did have a cell number, too, so she lets me call that as well.

Finally, I reach someone who speaks English. I explain my situation, and he says with regret that he is in Warsaw for the night, but -- but I cut him off and say no, no, no, it is not a problem, I can go to a hotel I just thought I'd try you - He insists, however, that he will call his mother and tell her that I am coming. I wrote down his address, and the girl who had been helping me took me to a cab, and off I went. That girl was truly an angel.

So was Ryszard's mother, who spoke not a lick of English. I have never met a more hospitable woman, expecially considering the circumstances - I was a stranger and a foreigner. She let me in with a smile on her face, and rushed me into the living room, offering me coffee or tea, and although I had no stomach, insisting that I eat something. So I sat on the couch while she served me coffee - well, what they call coffee. There are a few ways people make coffee here, and it rarely involves an American drip-coffee machine. They have instant coffee, but they also sometimes just put the grinds in the bottom of the cup and add hot water - that is what she did. She put sugar out, but I take milk no sugar, but I was afraid to ask for milk because I thought maybe it was expensive. Poland is not really a poor country, but certainly living is much different from America. I was shocked at the size of the flat. I found out later that the room I was sitting in, the "living room," with the television and couch, is also the room they eat in, with a tiny table in front of the tiny couch. That is understandable, but that room is also where the mother sleeps - so, her bedroom, I guess. So, I ended up pouring most of the coffee out when she wasn't in the room, and shoving down one of the sweets she put out for me, as not to seem rude. She kept trying to talk to me in Polish, something that I think is funny - because I'll do the same thing, I say things to people in English when I know they don't understand. I think eventually you start to understand one another. I asked her if I could use her shower, and then motioned that I would go to bed after that. It was not even dusk, but I just wanted to drop.

As I laid down, all I could do was thank God that I was going to sleep, but I knew in the back of my head that I didn't know where I was, where I was going, and what I had done. I truly had a lot of guilt and uncertainty about not going to Donata's - but I know now, that this is where God wants me to be, so I do not have uncertainty. But still some guilt - she said I was the first American student she ever had - and now probably the last. : )